Getting to NO

“Got a couple minutes?” How many times do you hear this? Maybe you don’t believe it will be just “a couple minutes,” or you just don’t have the time, or you don’t have time for THAT person. How do you get out of it? You might think it’s rude to say no.

“Will you do this for me?” or “Will you think about it?” You’ve been asked something along these lines. You feel pressure to say yes and want to say no.

“Yes” can be a real yes, a maybe, or a no in disguise. We often say yes to get people off our back, to dispense with them quickly, to make a promise we don’t mean to keep.

But, what if you’re doing the asking? If you get a yes, is it genuine? How do you know? Do you really want to spend time talking to someone who’s not engaged or straight forward?

Give people the freedom to give you a truthful yes or no. Next time you want time from another person, try something like this: “Is this a bad time to talk for a few minutes?” Let them say, “Yes, it’s a bad time,” or that they’re busy but could do it at another specified time. Maybe they’ll say, “No. it’s not a bad time. This is fine.”

If someone really doesn’t want to talk with you, both now and later, it’s good to know that it’s time to move on. If that someone is willing to be honest with you and tell you when they can give you attention, it will be more productive than trying to talk to someone whose mind is elsewhere.

Let them know you respect their time. And be sure to actually make it “a few minutes” so they know they can rely on you – unless you both agree to go longer. It will be better for the relationship and more productive.

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