FORGET WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY?

Have you ever been speaking to a group and suddenly forgot what you wanted to say? You start to feel panicky and certain that everyone knows it and thinks you’re incompetent. Most everyone has had this experience. How do you prepare for it? What do you do when it happens?

1. Acknowledge that you are fallible, that this is not abnormal, that this could happen to you and it doesn’t mean you’re incompetent.
   
   
2. Practice regularly and use a cheat sheet or safety net: an outline typed on a half-sheet that can be on the table in front of you in case you need to glance down and pick up a dropped thread. Don’t use a device - it’s usually too small, using it is distracting, and technology might fail. Don’t type out everything you want to say. Keep the outline short so you can easily carry an image of the talking points in your head, yet look down and easily find your place again if necessary.
   
   
3. Work the room beforehand: get to know the people present so they don’t seem like strangers when you begin. Even if you already know them, friendly conversation can help put you at ease and turn nerves into enthusiasm.
   
   
4. When you’re up front, look for friendly faces smiling back or fixed on you.
   
   
5. If you forget, pause. Breathe (slowly and regularly to calm yourself). Realize that the audience is most likely unaware and thinks you’re pausing for them to track with you. Gaze around the room and smile. Move around a bit. Refocus on where you are and what you’re trying to express.
   
   
6. If you’re still lost, there are a few “tricks” you might use to get back on track:
   • Humor: “Oops, someone was feeding me the words through WIFI and I just lost the connection!” or “I lost my train of thought. Anyone see it?”
   • Honesty: “Sorry, I forgot what I was saying. Can anyone share what you heard last?”
   • Audience interaction: “I’m struggling with the words. What do you think would fit here?” or “Let’s do a quick review. What have you heard so far and what does it mean to you.”
     
     
7. You might even talk to the audience, before formally beginning, about the art of active listening and how useful it will be here and in everyday life: that is, listening for meaning and listening so carefully that they could help pick up the thread if the speaker lost it. This shows you’re paying attention, that you care and want to understand. This builds trust and relationship. And, you will be truly grateful if you lose your place and they can help you get back on track!

Forgetting can seem like a disaster. But it needn’t be. Practicing in less stressful situations, and working your way gradually toward higher stakes situations, can help you train yourself to handle the stress and actually begin to enjoy speaking and contributing more and more effectively.

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